Wednesday, December 9, 2015

024. potential

I saw this on ROOKIE Mag as the theme for December.


So basically this is going to be a little rant. Along with my status as a fresh college graduate with nothing better to do than be on Youtube til 4AM and woke up around 3PM to cook breakfast-slash-dinner for myself.

Isn't it a little weird, potential.

When somebody said, "You've got a potential", what does it really mean anyway?

Back in high school (it was YEARS ago) when we're about to graduate, on the back pages of the yearbook, there used to be a page dedicated to the seniors about their potential. 

"Most likely to be a star" award, or "Most likely to be successful" awards, those kinds of things. But these "positions" are assigned to students through votes of other students and the yearbook staffs. In other words, from "someone else's" point of view.

Now I can say this because high school was long over, and the guy voted as 'most likely to be a star' wasn't anywhere near the screen, while the only person closest to stardom is not even on the list of top 3. 

A guy in my batch made millions per month, but he wasn't even mentioned back in high school. 

So those potentials we've collected and shown others during our high school days aren't exactly accurate. People misjudged our potential, overestimated it, underestimated it.

Leaving high school, going into college, those times as a student, those are the times that I felt are bursting with potential. You're just so excited of what you COULD become. 

But once they're all over, you're not so sure whether or not what you've accomplished in the years as a student is enough. 

Pushed into the working field without being ready for it.
Expected to earn big salaries without being ready for it.
Most importantly, not living up to the potentials that others have thought for you.

How do you still have self-respect after that.


I missed my student days because of the potentials I've pent up like a little ball inside myself. Without having to face the reality of whether or not I'm living up to it because, well, I'm just a kid.

Potential feels like a goal. A better version of me is waiting over there. Perfect and unachievable. 

Nostalgic feels like a loser because I'm not brave enough to face the fact that I'm disappointing my 14-year-old self. 

But potential doesn't stop when you graduated. Potential goes on in life. Some think it's a blessing, other times it feels heavy like a curse, burden with 'Expectations' and mixed with bittersweet 'Hope'.


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